


Cliffside Ponders

by Fullmetalpika



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Hey jade what the fuck, Introspection, Suicide Attempt, Why doesn't therapy exist on Auldrant?!, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29909406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fullmetalpika/pseuds/Fullmetalpika
Summary: Jade wanders off, without a question or destination in mind.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Cliffside Ponders

**Author's Note:**

> Originally called shut up Jad ur like 9 
> 
> I wrote this in like maybe November and projected a lot into Jade so apologizes if he seems out of character.

Summer of 1993 found Jade Balfour climbing Mt Roneal all by his lonesome. He did not know what drew him there, away from his sister and companions. He often did the strangest things out of mere curiosity. His mind would ask a question and suddenly Jade needed to know the answer.

Even if it happened to lead to the many deaths of innocent monsters. 

Strangely enough, this time Jade didn’t have a question in his mind. He climbed this mountain all too many times, despite the warning signs hung at the edge of town. If he closed his eyes and focused, he could still hear the distressed screams of Saphir, the giggles of Peony, and the worried tittering from Nephry. He remembered how concerned Nebilim would be when she found them wandering around on one of their adventures.

This wasn’t one of their adventures. This was some strange feeling—an unknown source drawing Jade away. It pulled and tugged so insistently, so he followed. And as it tugged him along he wandered, thinking of the various things his companions did on this mountain over the years. Such as the time when Saphir got buried in the snow. Jade will never understand why they tried so hard to find him, that freak would just crawl back to Jade’s house by nightfall as he always did.

A gust of wind and whirling snowflakes buffeted against his clothes and swept the memories away, putting him back in the present. It wasn’t until then that he realized where he was.

That strange feeling that Jade _detested_ so much had drawn him to the edge of a cliff. The one with a full view of the snow-covered village of Keterburg. 

Jade blinked twice before looking around. He remembered this place all too well.

_________________

_“Jaaaaade! Wait up!” The high pitched squeal of the pink-haired child was, unfortunately, too loud to ignore._

_“Hurry up Saphir! You’re the slow one here.” Peony shouted._

_Saphir, Jade’s oldest friend, huffed in annoyance and opened his mouth to utter a complaint, “You’re the one who’s—!”_

_“Peony’s right, you’re the only one still climbing. We don’t have all day.” Jade interrupted._

_Saphir blinked. If it were anyone else, his voice would have raised all too loud—citizens of Daath would most definitely hear—but instead his mouth twisted into a smile at the brunette’s voice, “Okay Jade!”_

_It wasn’t long until Saphir pulled himself on the edge, and joined the other boys to look down at their small, bustling town. Nephry wasn’t here, though, they’d left her behind to avoid her getting lost. God knows what Jade’s mother would do if she found out. However, they promised to mark the spot they found and show it to her someday._

_“It could be like a secret base!” Peony exclaimed, pacing around and marking various spots on the floor. “Here we would put the couch, and over there the oven—“_

_“No! That’s where Jade’s bed will go!” Saphir kicked snow at Peony’s general direction._

_“This is a cliff, not a house.” Jade huffed in annoyance._

__________________

“This is a cliff, not a house.” Jade whispered to himself.

He had said that not too long ago. Cliffs were dangerous, cold, and frightful to many. Yet, why did this place bring the warmth and comfort of a home?

He didn’t understand. 

Jade took a few steps, scarlet eyes trailing across endless white, broken only by the occasional jutting rock, and suddenly found the powder crumbling at the tips of his toes. The edge was right there, so close. 

Something was warm about the precipice. Something felt nice, something was _pulling him_ —

He couldn’t help but laugh. This idiotic feeling of his brought him all the way to his death? To throw himself off the mountain and kill himself? 

It was hilarious. But it wasn’t. 

He still hadn’t moved.

The wheels in his mind burst to life with his questions, questions, _hundreds_ of questions.

He knew the answers to many, but he wanted to see, he wanted to look, he wanted to feel it. A small, manic smile curled at the edge of his lips. So close, so easy to simply fall forward. Jade moved his foot just over the edge, just a bit further and—

“Jade!”

Stumbling, confusion, noise, too much all at once. It was fast, way faster than Jade anticipated.

Then it ended with a crack. 

________________

“...de? Jad…!”

“Jade!” A different voice this time, so much more familiar and warmer than the cliff. Safer. Jade’s eyes fluttered open—Saphir shrieked—and examined the room. As blurry as his eyesight was, he could still see the worried faces of Saphir, Nephry, and Nebilim. 

Oh no. Nebilim.

Jade expected the yelling. He prepared for the constant reminders of how he was a burden to the family. He could practically hear his mother’s frustrated footsteps coming in to—

“Thank goodness you’re awake. How are you feeling, Jade?” Nebilim’s voice and expression only showed concern and relief.

Why? 

He did not like this. There was so much he didn’t understand and needed to know. His head was too loud. He needed to silence his questions.

“...Why?” Jade croaked out in response. 

Someone squeezed his left hand. His eyes followed the hand in his to Nephry, who looked over at Nebilim uncertainty.

“What do you mean, why?” Nebilim asked. 

Jade opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by a coughing fit. It hurt to sit up, it hurt to cough, everything _hurt_. He heard hurried footsteps rush out of the room and felt a warm hand rubbing circles on his back. His cough settled and he saw Saphir standing at his bedside with a glass of water. 

He went to take it with his right hand but felt a sudden wave of pain. He blinked and looked down. It was broken. This would be a bothersome couple of weeks.

Switching hands, Jade took the glass without a word—he did not know how to deal with a silent, awkward Saphir—and after drinking as much as he could, Nebilim helped him lay back down. 

Stilted muteness pervaded the space, too quiet and too full of uncertainties. Neblim was still waiting for an answer.

Jade sighed, “Why are you so worried, professor?” 

Silence. Everyone stared at him as if he should know the answer. He hated that look, the way people looked at him when he didn’t understand death. The pity, the worry, the absolute embarrassment from his parents.

“Jade… You could have died.” Nebilim’s voice was covered in that very worry, pity, and concern. Disgusting.

The door slammed suddenly, causing his sister and Saphir to flinch. Another sigh escaped him when Peony stalked in.

Peony was, surprisingly, one of his more tolerable friends. Not to mention one that Jade made willingly—unlike a certain pink- haired boy. However, for some reason or another, he became rather dramatic when it came to matters such as life and death. 

“Dammit Jade! This isn’t funny—What the fuck were you thinking?! Nephry was sobbing when Saphir found you!” Peony gestured over to Jade’s little sister.

Nephry frowned at the mention of her name. Saphir’s nose ran as it did when he got frustrated. 

“Stop yelling at Jade. He’s MY best friend and only I can do that!” Saphir stomped over to Peony, raising his fist for a punch.

Peony shoved Saphir away, “Stay out of this Runny-“ 

“Boys stop!” Nebilim’s shout echoed through the room. 

Everyone blinked and shifted their gaze over at Nebilim, who was massaging her temples. 

“It’s fine. Let’s let Jade get some rest.” 

Nebilim ushered the kids out of the room, smiling at Jade before making her way out the door as well. 

The door shut with an audible click, leaving Jade alone and confused. Why did people mourn when things died? Why did people become so emotional when their loved ones were injured? Jade couldn’t help but wonder how everyone would feel if he didn’t survive that fall. Would they shed tears for him, as well? Saphir certainly would, though Saphir cried for any number of inane reasons.

Perhaps one day he would test that theory.

**Author's Note:**

> I love pain 👍


End file.
